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The Believer Magazine

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  • The Apocalypse Is No Excuse to Give Up on Your Wellness Regimen

    “Yes, it is I, that one guy who lived every moment in the service of staving off his own mortality. Did it work? Well, seventy years after calamitous environmental devastation, I’m still here traversing the wasteland that remains. So you tell me!”
    by Josh Gondelman
  • Lists

    Authoritarian CDC Handwashing Guidelines

    1. Wet hands under faucet.

    2. Lather with warm, soapy water for at least twenty seconds.

    3. Wait a sec—hold off on the soap. We don’t know enough about its long-term effects.
    by David Calkins
  • Catching Up with Davis Oasis: The Lost Gallagher Brother

    “A lot of people think our last name is Oasis. It’s not. It’s ‘Gallagher’,” he enlightens me over a pint of lager. “Though, I legally changed me last name to ‘Oasis’ just to be clearer.”
    by Kerry Stevens
  • That Incel Coworker You Bullied for Marrying a Chatbot Is Your New Post-AI-Apocalypse Overseer

    “How the tables have turned. Only a few years ago, you were commenting ‘cringe’ on my wedding video, just because my wife was an AI chatbot. Not so cringe anymore, is it? Keep swinging that pickax, beta, this lithium isn’t gonna mine itself.”
    by Kate Tyndall
  • Short Imagined Monologues

    “I Am the Gap Between Knowing and Saying”: The En Dash Responds to the Em Dash

    “You think AI loves me? AI doesn’t even recognize me. I’ve been quietly replaced by hyphens. Neglected by autocorrect. Left out of style guides. I’m a ghost in the character set. A delicate pause—no, not even a pause. A hesitation.”
    by Chafic LaRochelle
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  • September 20, 2024
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    by Colin Nissan
  • July 14, 2025
    Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: June 2025: Atrocities 273-313
    by Emily Greenberg and Cliff Mayotte
  • July 17, 2025
    Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein: A Quiz
    by Devorah Blachor
  • October 10, 2006
    Back from Yet Another Globetrotting Adventure, Indiana Jones Checks His Mail and Discovers That His Bid for Tenure Has Been Denied
    by Andy Bryan
Latest from Carlos Greaves
  • July 8, 2025
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Lest We Forget The Horrors
  • July 14, 2025
    June 2025: Atrocities 273-313
    by Emily Greenberg and Cliff Mayotte
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
  • July 18, 2025
    Excerpts from The Believer: The Last Mastodon
    by Paul Collins
  • July 16, 2025
    Reviews of New Food: Panera Strawberry Basil Fresca Lemonade
    by Amy Colleen
  • July 11, 2025
    Excerpts from The Believer: The Magic Well: Confronting Death Through the Eye of the Animal Cam
    by Kristin Keane
  • July 9, 2025
    A Strange Little Bird
    by Taylor Harris
  • June 27, 2025
    Excerpts from The Believer: Water Pressure
    by Rafia Zakaria
  • June 26, 2025
    Reviews of New Food: Utz Lemonade Potato Chips
    by Jeff Bender and Talia Argondezzi
  • June 20, 2025
    Excerpts from The Believer: Place: The Home Depot
    by Simon Wu
News & Announcements
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