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Funny Birthday Quotes and Sayings
Over the Hill, Middle-Age and Older
• You know you are getting old when people call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
• You know you are getting old when you have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
• You know you are getting old when you turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.
• You know you are getting old when people warn you about shoveling snow.
• You know you are getting old when you move something to a more logical location and then can only remember where it used to be.
• You know you are getting old when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police.
• You know you are getting old when your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
• You know you are getting old when the clothes you've put away until they come back in style... have come back in style.
• You know you are getting old when you no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
• You know you are getting old when you quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
• You know you are getting old when taking your morning pills takes longer than eating your pancakes and sausage.
• You know you are getting old when you lean over to pick something up off the floor, and then ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.
• You know you are getting old when you leave concerts and ballgames early to beat the crowd.
• You know you are getting old when the only reason you’re still awake at 2 a.m. is indigestion.
• You know you are getting old when you frequently find yourself telling people what a gallon of gas USED to cost.
• You know you are getting old when it takes you two tries to get up from the couch.
• You know you are getting old when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.
• You know you are getting old when you don't want a sports car because of the insurance premiums.
• You know you are getting old when it takes twice as long to look half as good.
• You know you are getting old when your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
• You know you are getting old when you're very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
• You know you are getting old when you give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
• You know you are getting old when you go to bed before your kids
• You know you are getting old when there are fewer things you are willing to wait in line for.
• You know you are getting old when you spend a lot of time thinking about the "here-after". you go somewhere to get something... then wonder what you're "here after"
• You know you are getting old when you run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
• You know you are getting old when you actually want socks for Christmas.
• You know you are getting old when you're not really grouchy, you just don't like ttraffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things you can't seem to remember right now.
• I'm not getting older. I just collect wrinkles!
• Too young to be this old!
• I'm not that old! I demand a recount!
• So many candles, so little cake!
• Over the hill? I don't remember any hill?!
• You may not be able to turn back the clock, but you can wind it up again!
• By the time you reach middle age, you've already met so many people that every new acquaintance reminds you of someone else.
• Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
• Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy!
• Middle age is having the choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier. --Daniel Bennett
• Middle age is that period in a man's life when he'd rather not have a good time than have to get over it. --Oscar Wilde
• Middle age is a period of life when one can do as much as ever but would rather not.
• Middle age is when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net. --Franklin P. Adams
• Middle age is when you are sitting home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. --Ring Lardner
• Middle age is when everything starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
• The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down. - T. S. Eliot
• A man of sixty has spent twenty years in bed and over three years in eating. - Arnold Bennett
• Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you. - Bennett Cerf
• You're not over the hill until you hear your favorite songs in an elevator!
• Mid-life crisis? My whole life has been a crisis!!!
• The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it. --Doris Day
• Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
• You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists of merely standing up. --Bob Hope
• You're not old. You're chronologically gifted.
• I like my bifocals,
my dentures fit me fine,
my hearing aid is perfect,
but Lord I miss my mind!
• You know you're old when "getting a little action" means your prune juice is working!
• The secret to staying young is to find an age you really like and stick with it.
• When I was a kid I could toast marshmallows over my birthday candles. Now I could roast a turkey!
• Lying about my age is easier now since I sometimes forget what it is.
• You know you're over the hill when the only whistles you get are from the tea kettle.
• If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself!
• To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. --Bernard M. Baruch
• The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. --Lucille Ball
• Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives. --Maurice Chevalier
• I can still cut the mustard...I just need help opening the jar!
• The worst thing about growing old is listening to your children's advice.
• Senility is a good thing. You're always meeting new friends!
• It is better to wear out than to rust out!
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• I'm not over the hill - I can't get up it!
• More candles: Bigger wish!
• Aged to Perfection!
• I finally got my head together and now my body is falling apart.
• By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence!
• After fifty it's patch, patch, patch.
• The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. --Doug Larson
• Inside every older person is a young person wondering what happened.
• You know you're old when you've lost all your marvels. --Merry Browne
• Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. --Mark Twain
• You're only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.
• It takes about 10 years to get used to how old you are.
• Age is a matter of mind and if you don't mind, it don't matter!
• Age is a number, old is in your head.
• Age is a number, and mine is unlisted.
• Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
• Age is like fine wine; it gets better with time!
• At my age, I've seen it all, I've heard it all, I've done it all, I just can't remember it all.
• Classic, Genuine, Antique Person!
• Don't let an old person crawl into your body!
• Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional!
• I have a photographic memory. Unfortunately, it no longer offers same day service.
• I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
• I'm entering the "metallic years"; silver in my hair, gold in my teeth and lead in my bottom!
• I'm just a 16 year old girl, locked in an old ladies body!
• I'm not aging, I'm marinating!
• I'm not as old as I used to be.
• I'm not getting older, I'm getting bitter.
• I'm not old, I'm a recycled teenager!
• I'm not old, I've just been young a very long time!
• Inside every older person is a young person wondering what happened!
• It used to be wine, women and song,
Now it's beer, the old lady and TV!
• My mind wanders a lot, but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.
• Old age and treachery beat youth and vigor.
• Old age ain't no place for sissies. --Bette Davis
• Once you're over the hill, you pick up speed!
• Over 40 and still cookin'!
• Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it!
• Senility Prayer
God grant me the senility to
forget the people I never liked anyway;
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do;
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
• The older I get, the better I used to be.
• When did my wild oats turn into shredded wheat?
• Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up!
• You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely!
• You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work!
• You know you are getting old when "Happy Hour" turns out to be a nap!
• You know you're getting old when your back goes out more often than you do!
• You know you're old when you can't get your rocking chair started!
• You know you are getting old when you look forward to a DULL evening.
• We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
• You know you are getting old when the little old gray-haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.
• You know you are getting old when you get winded playing chess.
• You know you are getting old when you have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
• You know you are getting old when you look into the mirror and are shocked to see that "old person" looking back at you.
• You know you are getting old when the gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
• You know you are getting old
when you tend to repeat yourself.
You know you are getting old
when you tend to repeat yourself.
• You know you are getting old when your children begin to look middle-aged.
• You know you are getting old when your pacemaker opens the garage door when you see a pretty girl.
• You know you are getting old when your knees buckle and your belt won't.
• You know you are getting old when your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
• You know you are old when your doctor is the same age as your grandson.
• You know your old when your youngest starts collecting Social Security.
• Young at heart, slightly older in other places!
• You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• Youth is wasted on the YOUNG!
• I'm not old; I'm just a victim of gravity!
• I can't figure out if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
• So, these are the golden years...I'm not impressed.
• Don't think of yourself as getting older . . . You are, of course, but it's best not to think of it! Happy Birthday!
Milestone Birthday Years
• 40: I'm 18 with 22 years experience.
• On a scale of 1 to 10, I'm a perfect 40!
• Remember when you were little and you thought 40 was sooo old. You were right!
• I'm 40 in years, 20 in spirit!
• Forty isn't old - IF you're a tree!
• Forty is 4 perfect 10's!
• It took me 40 years to look this good!
• Here's to celebrating the 19th anniversary of your 21st birthday!
• I'm not 40, I'm 39.95, plus tax!
• 40, but still Sporty!
• Up to age 40, it's just a rehearsal!
• I'm 39 1/2 (and that's my final answer!)
• 50 is the age of discovery - you discover you're old!
• Forty is the old age of youth; Fifty is the youth of old age. --Victor Hugo
• Nifty at Fifty!
• Welcome to the Fabulous Fifties!
• Life after 50: when your back goes out more than you do.
• Sexy at 60
• Spectacular at 70
• Great at 80!
• Happy 30-Something! (or Happy 40-Something!, Happy 50-Something!, etc.)
• Use the same sayings, but substitute the correct age (and math, if appropriate). Any age can be used 37, 64, etc.
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Heartfelt Birthday Wishes for a 64-Year-Old Man, Husband, Brother, or Male Friend
“Happy 64th birthday, my dear friend! Your radiance remains unchanged, just like it was in your twenties. May you always be surrounded by happiness, joy, and love from those closest to you.”
“Your entire life is an inspiration, and on your 64th birthday, I wish you nothing but happiness and joy. May you celebrate this special day and all future birthdays surrounded by your loved ones and family.”
“At 64, you are still in great shape. May your health never falter, your youthful spirit never fade, and your finances allow you to travel and experience new adventures. Happy birthday, my dear.”
“Wishing you a happy 64th birthday. May you always remain as cheerful and confident as you are now. Don't let age scare you, it's the heart that determines one's age, not the number of years. May God bless you with good health and happiness.”
“At 64, things may seem different, but know that you are still loved. Your hard work and achievements bring us pride, and may you have a wonderful retirement. We are grateful to have you as a part of our family.”
Birthday Wishes for a 64-Year-Old Woman, Wife, Sister, or Female Friend
“On your 64th birthday, I feel fortunate to have you in my life. May this day be filled with love, joy, and gifts, and may God bless you with good health.”
“With love and blessings, I wish you a happy 64th birthday. May God protect you and bless you with love and care. We are grateful to have you in our lives and can't imagine life without you. Happy birthday, my wife.”
“Life is a blessing, and having you by my side makes it even more special. Here's to many more years of this wonderful journey. It's an honor to celebrate your 64th birthday. Happy birthday, my love.”
“Happy 64th birthday, dear friend. You are an amazing person, balancing both your career and family with ease. I am proud of you and love you more than anything. May the world bring you happiness.”
“Happy 64th birthday to the most gorgeous woman in the world. This is a new chapter in your life, and may you be blessed with health and wealth. May your loved ones and family bring you joy and happiness.”
Humorous Birthday Wishes for a 64-Year-Old Man and Woman
“Happy 64th birthday, my old friend. They say age is just a number, but for you, it's a pretty big number. Thanks for being older than me and experiencing what aging is all about.”
“Happy 64th birthday, my dear friend! You've grown wiser with time, and that's something to be celebrated. Don't worry about the gray hair and lost teeth, you'll always be a timeless classic in our eyes.”
“Wishing you a happy 64th birthday! Here's to hoping that you'll continue to age with grace and take care of yourself like the precious gem you are. Ageing may have been different in the past, but you're living proof that time is just a number.”
“It's amazing to think that you're 64 years young! I'm sure birthdays were a lot different during the stone age, but let's celebrate yours with a day filled with rest and a proud embrace of your gray hair. Happy birthday, dear friend.”
“Congratulations on reaching another milestone birthday! As you grow older, it's normal to feel a mix of emotions, but remember to take a moment and reflect on how far you've come and how many milestones are still to come. And make sure to conserve your energy for the important task of candle blowing – a half-blown candle just won't do your birthday justice!”