So you’ve been asked to give a wedding toast. First off: Congrats! It’s clear that you mean a great deal to the marrying couple, and that they trust you to speak on their behalf in front of everyone that has ever been important to them. No pressure or anything!
The most important thing to know about wedding speeches is that the best ones are both heartfelt and humorous—and, most importantly, well under five minutes. While you’ll want to dive deep into your own memories of and feelings about the couple for the heartfelt bits, zingers don’t necessarily come naturally to all of us. To help you out in the laughs department, we’ve rounded up some of our favorite funny wedding toasts and marriage quotes below. Feel free to borrow with abandon and mix them up as needed—whatever it takes to make your speech really shine!
Funny Wedding Toast Ideas
These one-liners and well-wishes are sure to garner some chuckles.
• "What do late nights, wild parties, and hanging out with friends on the weekend have in common? You won’t be able to do any of those things from now on. But congratulations on your wedding!"
• "May your children be blessed with rich parents."
• "Here's to you and here's to me,
I hope we never disagree,
But if, perchance, we ever do,
Then here's to me, and to hell with you."
• "Let’s raise our glasses to the two secrets of a long-lasting marriage: a good sense of humor, and a short memory."
• "May all of your ups and downs be only in the bedroom."
• "Remember: In life, there are only two tools anyone really needs in their toolbox—duct tape and WD40. Duct tape keeps things from moving when they shouldn’t, and WD40 gets things moving when they’re stuck."
• "May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."
• "May you never lie, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie with each other. And if you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink with us. Cheers to the newlyweds!"
• "We are gathered here today to honor something so truly magical, so truly unique and wonderful, that it simply had to be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the doughnut wall."
• "As Bill and Ted once said: 'Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.'"
• "Saying 'I do' at your wedding is like clicking the 'I accept' box any time a new piece of software on your computer or phone asks you to read its terms and conditions: You do it despite having no idea what will come next. Congratulations on your marriage!"
• "Never laugh at your spouse’s choices. Remember: they also chose you. Cheers!"
• "Now, let’s raise our glasses to the happy couple. I actually like both of you—do you have any idea how rare that is?"
• "May the most you wish for be the least you get."
• "May your household multiply, and may your hearts never be divided."
Funny Quotes for Your Wedding Toast
Use these humorous bits to offer the newlyweds wisdom and advice with a wink in your toast.
• "The secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg
• "We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love." — Dr. Seuss
• "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." — Rita Rudner
• "Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash." — Dr. Joyce Brothers
• "Love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener." — Pauline Thomason
• "A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it." — Unknown
• "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt." — Charles Schulz
• "Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy." — Henry Kissinger
• "To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up." — Ogden Nash
• "For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end." — Catherine Zeta-Jones
• "If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married." — Unknown
• "Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy." — Unknown
• "If at first you don’t succeed...try doing it the way your wife told you." — Unknown
• "Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid [their] problems sound to you." — Megan Mullally
• "The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret." — Henny Youngman
• "The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with." — Mac MacGuff in Juno
• "Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there." — George Burns
• "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times—always with the same person." — Mignon McLaughlin
Wedding Wishes for Brother: Seeing your brother getting married is a very happy and emotional phase to go through. You have been inseparable since birth, and now he is getting married. Wish for him to be the best husband to his wife. Send some best wishes to your brother and sister in law on their wedding day. Send your best wishes saying how proud you feel on his big day. Do not forget to send some beautiful wedding messages to your brother on his wedding day along with the gifts. Enjoy his special day, and tell him how happy you are.
Wedding Wishes for Brother
Cheers to the new bride and groom. May your future be full of countless blessings.
Dear brother, I hope you and your wife can cherish each other every day. Happy wedding day.
May you enjoy every moment life has got to offer in your new life. Have a happy married life, brother.
May your marriage be filled with appreciation and compromise. Love each other a lot. Best wishes.
May all your dreams come true and struggle end as you start a new chapter of your life. Best wishes.
May your wife be as blessed by you as I have been throughout my whole life. Best wishes.
I pray to Lord for blessing you in every possible way. Pray to Lord whenever you are facing problems in life. May He bless you two forever. Best wishes on your wedding, brother.
I am super happy for you, big brother. Wishing you all the very best for your new life. May you continue to have blessings and good wishes throughout your life.
Dear little brother, I wish you every blessing as you start a new life. You two look so perfect. I hope your life together is filled with joy and happiness. Love both of you very much.
You did your duties by being the best brother ever. It’s time to do your duty as a good husband and the best life partner to your wife. Congratulations on your wedding!
Never let the smile on her face fade away. Congratulations to you for the coming years of togetherness. Stay happy and blessed together, always.
You may face a lot of ups and downs in your marriage. But never let each other go. Keep holding on to the bond of love you share together.
Embrace each other’s imperfections and always cherish moments of love and joy throughout this long journey of your marriage. Congratulations brother! My best wishes are with you always.
The most precious gift that I can give you at your wedding is blessings for love between you two to grow with every year that passes by. Have a blessed marriage life ahead, my brother.
As a sister, I want you to keep her embraced with your love and protect her from all the negativity of the world. Keep her happy always.
When true love is shared between two pure hearts, no hurdle in the world can make them apart. Congratulations to you and your beautiful wife!
Protect her not because she is a responsibility, but because she is a treasure. Keep her happy not because you have to, but because you want to! Congratulations!
Brother Marriage Quotes
I really hope they beautiful smile and happiness of your wedding day never leave your life.
I am happy beyond measure for you, brother. You are going to be an amazing husband, I bet.
What a beautiful couple! May God bless you and give you every opportunity to outshine the previous ones. Stay true to God and Yourself. So happy for you, brother.
Dear big brother, thank you for bringing such a sister-in-law into my life. May you both fall in love again and again. Stay happy and stay blessed. Sending you tons of love.
Holding on tight to the bond of love that you share is the key to a successful marriage. I will always pray for your togetherness.
To my younger brother, you have grown such a fine gentleman, and I cannot say how proud I feel. I wish you both the very best. Follow your dreams and love each other.
I will pray for love between you two to grow strong enough to conquer all the ups and downs of your marriage life. My best wishes are always with you, brother.
I really hope your wife knows how lucky she is to have you as her life partner. Be kind to each other and be in love. Congratulations to you and dear sis-in-law.
Emotional Wedding Wishes for Brother
I was born lucky because I had a brother like you. You have always been the best person in my life. I know you’ll make a good husband too!
Heartiest congratulations to the best brother in the entire world. I wish you the very best on this new adventure of your life. May the odds be ever in your favor, brother.
I still cannot believe you are getting married for real. May you share numerous beautiful moments in your married life. You deserve all the good things.
May your love keeps on growing. Give your best shot at building up a family. I hope you two stay forever in love and be there for each other. Happy wedding, dear brother and sister in law.
I really wish all the best to you and my sister in law for starting this new chapter and prosper in every aspect of life. Have the happiest married life, dear brother. Love you.
Sharing your special day alongside you- makes me more emotional. Congratulations on finding your one true love. I hope you have a wonderful marriage and a happy life ahead of you, guys.
Love her like the way you want someone to love your sister. Never let tears come in her eyes, always keep her happy as you have kept me.
Keep trust and faith in the love that you both have for each other. I pray for the trust and faith between you two to grow stronger than ever. Have a blessed marriage life, dear brother.
I hope your journey of marriage will be filled with love, trust, support, and blessings bestowed by the Almighty. I will be always praying for your successful marriage life.
Let your marriage life be surrounded by trust, faith, and love. It will provide you with the power to face all the hardships of life together. Congratulations dear brother!
Along with celebrating each other’s happiness remember to stand beside each other during hard times of life. The blessings of your loved ones are always with you.
Funny Wedding Wishes for Brother
I wonder how such a beautiful girl fell for a lazy bone like you. Don’t take her for granted! Take care of her always with full sincerity.
Control your silly temper that arises in your head for silly reasons. You will be the one crying if she ever leaves you. Cherish her value and keep her happy always!
Your wife is a precious gem that only the fortunate can get. I am astonished at your luck, to be honest. Don’t take her for granted, you will not find another one like her.
You may be silly, stupid, and mean but always remember, she knows how to swing a broomstick! Be very careful dear brother!
There’s only one cure for laziness in men, a badass, intimidating wife. It seems like you have managed just the perfect one. Congratulations!
Don’t just hand over all responsibilities to your wife while you are too busy converting oxygen into carbon-di-oxide! Share some responsibilities too!
To conclude, the emotions that a sibling feels when a brother is getting married has been expressed through our messages. When your brother receives these overwhelming messages on his wedding day, his heart is bound to melt with happiness. These happy wedding messages for a brother that we have listed express both sisterly and brotherly love as well as blessings that you will want to give to your brother. Moreover, send funny wedding messages to your brother on his wedding day, that is funny but it contains valuable advice with a little sense of humor. Also, you may send happy married life wishes or emotional wedding card messages for wedding congratulations.
Sisters are always very special. They are not just your siblings but also your closest friends. Your sister is all set to enter a new phase of her life and you want to wish her all the happiness in the world but on this emotional day, you are way too emotional to pen your thoughts and express your feelings to her. With beautifully drafted wedding congratulation messages for sister ease all your tensions to create unique wishes for your special sister. With right sister getting married quotes, you can wish the best of happiness and married life to your sibling.
Wonderful collection of congratulation quotes and wishes to wish your dearest sister on her marriage. Wedding congratulation messages to wish her love.
1. Congratulations on your wedding my sweetest sister. I wish you both all the happiness and smiles in the world. May you enjoy your married life to the fullest with the blessings of Almighty. Warm wishes to the best little sister… Happy Marriage to you.
2. My darling sister… I am so happy that you are marrying the man of your dreams… together you two make the best couple…. And I wish you both a beautiful journey full of love, romance and lots of fun… May God always bless you…. Warm wishes on your happy married life.
3. Dearest sister, you are the closest to my heart and I am so happy for you, for you are entering a new relationship… I know that you are going to make the best wife, daughter in law and an amazing mother in times to come. Happy Married life to you… And all the best!!!
4. Being you sister, seeing you happy and glowing with love, I feel contented…. I wish you a wonderful, romantic and blessed married life…. You have chosen the best partner and I am sure that he will take best care of you and will always keep you happy. Best wishes on your wedding.
5. I am so happy for you that you have found your Mr. Perfect who will always love you, pamper you and make it a happy married life for you… I wish you two are blessed beautiful moments of happiness and togetherness in life…. Congratulations and happy married life to you.
6. Dearest sister, I know you are going to make the most beautiful bride… As you are all set to being a new journey, I wish you a wonderful married life with your loving husband who madly loves you and cares for you. Wish you both a wonderful life ahead. Congratulations.
7. Dear sister, you have always been a loving sibling and now you are going to make an awesome wife… My darling sister, sending you loads of wishes on your wedding… May you are always smiling and happy… glowing and sparking…. Happy Married life to you.
8. I wish that your wedding may be the very first day of your new and joyous life… May every moment from now on is a beautiful blessing from God blessed with love and care of your loving husband…. Warm wishes on your marriage!!
9. Warm congratulations on finding your soul mate…. May you two enjoy a beautiful and happy married life… May your love get stronger with time…. Happy married life to the most amazing couple.
10. My sweetest sister, we have grown up together dressed as brides and today it’s a special moment when you will dress up as the most beautiful life… a moment I will remember all my life… Congratulations on your wedding my darling.