Funny Marriage Advice For Newlyweds Speech

The Best Marriage Advice

1. Choose to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other. Love is a commitment, not just a feeling.

2. Always answer the phone when your husband/wife is calling and when possible, try to keep your phone off when you’re together with your spouse.

3. Make time together a priority. Budget for a consistent date night. Time is the "currency of relationships" so consistently invest time into your marriage. There are no shortcuts. Building a strong marriage takes time.

4. Your friends will impact your marriage, so choose your friends wisely. Surround yourself with friends who will strengthen your marriage and remove yourself from people who may tempt you to compromise your character.

5. Make laughter the soundtrack of your marriage. Share moments of joy, and even in the hard times, find reasons to laugh.

6. In every argument, remember that there won’t be a "winner" and a "loser." You are partners in everything so you’ll either win together or lose together. Work together to find a solution.

7. Remember that a strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It’s usually a husband and wife taking turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak.

8. Prioritize what happens in the bedroom. It takes more than sex to build a strong marriage, but it’s nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it!

9. Remember that marriage isn’t 50-50, divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It’s not splitting everything in half, but both partners giving everything they’ve got!

10. Give your best to each other, not your leftovers after you’ve given your best to everyone else.

11. Speak lovingly and respectfully to each other. Your words matter, but the tone of those words matters too. The tone of your words can set the tone for your entire marriage.

12. Don’t put your marriage on hold while you’re raising your kids or else you’ll end up with an empty nest and an empty marriage.

13. Never keep secrets from each other. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy.

14. Never lie to each other. Lies break trust and trust is the foundation of a strong marriage.

15. When you’ve made a mistake, admit it and humbly seek forgiveness. You should be quick to say, "I was wrong. I’m sorry. Please forgive me."

16. When your husband/wife breaks your trust, give them your forgiveness instantly which will promote healing and create the opportunity for trust to be rebuilt. You should be quick to say, "I love you. I forgive you. Let’s move forward."

17. Be patient with each other. Your spouse is always more important that your schedule.

18. Stay away from porn or anything that creates sexual fantasy apart from your spouse. Don’t just be physically monogamous; be mentally monogamous.

19. Be your spouse’s biggest encourager, not his/her biggest critic. Be the one who wipes away their tears, not the one who causes them.

20. Never talk badly about your spouse to other people or vent about them online. Protect your spouse at all times and in all places.

21. Always wear your wedding ring. It will remind you that you’re always connected to your spouse and it will remind the rest of the world that you’re off limits!

Funny Marriage Advice For Newlyweds Speech

22. Make your faith a priority. Pray with each other and for each other. Every marriage is stronger with God in the middle of it.

24. Instead of nagging about your spouse, try bragging about your spouse! Focus on what they’re doing right instead of always pointing out what they’re doing wrong.

25. When you’re facing struggles, don’t blame each other. Instead, work together with mutual respect to find solutions.

26. Never stop flirting with your spouse and never start flirting with anyone else!

27. Don’t expect your spouse to read your mind. Clearly communicate your thought and feelings. Take time to talk to each other AND listen to each other.

28. Work together as partners. Never let your spouse face a struggle without your encouragement, partnership and support.

29. Don’t put your marriage "on hold" for the sake of your career, hobbies or any other pursuit. Don’t sacrifice your marriage in the pursuit of lesser things.

30. Consider your husband/wife in EVERY decision you make, because all of your decision will impact them in some way.

31. Never consider divorce as an option. Remember that a "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other!

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Quote #1

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery."
Emma Bombeck


Quote #2

"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them."
Unknown


Quote #3

"I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
Rita Runder


Quote #4

"My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never."
Jack Benny


Quote #5

"When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife."
Prince Phillip


Quote #6

"If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; If you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love."
Mile Davis


Quote #7

"A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal."
Unknown


Quote #8

"My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way."
Henry Youngman


Quote #9

"Love is a lot like a backache; It doesn’t show up on X-Rays, But you know it’s there."
George Burns


Quote #10

"Love is a lot like a backache; It doesn’t show up on X-Rays, But you know it’s there."
Henry Youngman


Quote #11

"A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days."
Tim Allen


Quote #12

Funny Marriage Advice For Newlyweds Speech

"Some mornings I wake up grouchy. And some mornings I just let him sleep."
Unknown


Quote #13

"A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband."
Michael De Montaigne


Quote #14

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake."
Scott Adams


Quote #15

"I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff."
Wendy Liebman


Quote #16

"What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday."
Cindy Garner


Quote #17

"An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband."
Booth Tarkington


Quote #18

“Marry a man your own age; As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
Phyllis Diller


Quote #19

"The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button."
Rick Reilly


Quote #20

"Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbours ain’t."
Unknown


Quote #21

“Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets."
Joginder Singh


Quote #22

"Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park."
Unknown


Quote #23

"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
Natasha Leggero


Quote #24

"Husbands and wives are so irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?"
Janet Periat


Quote #25

"Marriage is like vitamins: We supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements."
Kathy Mohnke

Unknown


Quote #27

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question."
Lily Tomlin


Quote #28

"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it."
Jean Illsley Clarke


Quote #29

"We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse."
Henny Youngman


Quote #30

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
Maryon Pearson


Quote #31

"There are only three things women need in life: Food, water and compliments."
Chris Rock


Quote #32

"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it."
Ann Bancroft


Quote #33

"To keep your marriage brimming; With love in the loving cup… Whenever you’re wrong admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up."
Ogden Nash


Quote #34

Funny Marriage Advice For Newlyweds Speech

"You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!"
Bill Maher


Quote #35

"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk."
Rita Rudner


Quote #36

"The most important four words for a successful marriage: I’ll do the dishes."
Unknown


Quote #37

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
Groucho Marx


Quote #38

"My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being."
Lee Judge


Quote #39

"Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner – just so they can have the last word."
Janet Periat


Quote #40

"No please don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!"
Homer Sompson


Quote #41

"Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome."
Jenny Seinfield


Quote #42

"When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason."
Molly McGee


Quote #43

"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me."
Winston Churchill


Quote #44

"Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; Marriage is also three-meals-a-day and remembering to carry the trash out."
Joyce Brothers


Quote #45

“Marriage, when person is always right, and the other is a man”
Unknown


Quote #46

“Marriage, an endless sleepover with your favorite weirdo.”
Unknown


Quote #47

“Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.”
Unknown


Quote #48

“My prince is not coming on a white horse… He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.”
Unknown


Quote #49

“When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.”
Coolfunnyquotes


Quote #50

“In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.”
Woody Allen


Quote #51

“My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.”
Unknown


Quote #52

“I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.”
Unknown


Quote #53

“Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years…. then we met.”
Unknown


Quote #54

“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.”
Socrates

Unknown


Quote #56

Funny Marriage Advice For Newlyweds Speech

“One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!”
Unknown


Quote #57

“I didn't find out what happiness means until I got married… and then it was too late.”
Unknown


Quote #58

“My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!”
Unknown


Quote #59

“I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.”
Coolfunnyquotes


Quote #60

“Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.”
Maryon Pearson

Funny Marriage Quotes For Friends

Funny marriage quotes for friends are funny and will certainly make your day, I am sure. Food is a big part of any marriage, so lighten the mood by reading funny food quotes. I hope that these funny quotes will make your day, be inspired.



Funny Marriage Quotes

• "I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." –Rita Rudner

• "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." –Benjamin Franklin

• "Marriage is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one." –Mae West

• "You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." –Dr. Seuss

• "The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it." –Ann Bancroft

• "A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." –Ruth Bell Graham

• "Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery." –Erma Bombeck

• "Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash." –Joyce Brothers

• "Love is a lot like a backache; It doesn’t show up on X-Rays, But you know it’s there." –George Burns

Sweet Marriage Quotes

• "Never marry the one you can live with, marry the one you cannot live without." –Unknown

• "If I know what love is, it is because of you." –Hermann Hasse

• "Who, being loved, is poor?" –Oscar Wilde

• "You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear." –Oscar Wilde

• "To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with." –Mark Twain 

• "There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye-to-eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends." –Homer

Funny Marriage Advice For Newlyweds Speech

• "Love is a friendship set to music." –Joseph Campbell

• "Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now." –Fred Rogers

Romantic Marriage Quotes

• "Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow." –Khalil Gibran

• "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." –Mignon McLaughlin

• "If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever." –Alfred Tennyson

• "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." –When Harry Met Sally

• "Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day." –Fawn Weaver

• "To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous." –Elizabeth Gilbert

• "If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love." –Miles Davis

Marriage Quotes About Commitment

• "Don’t ever stop dating your wife and don’t ever stop flirting with your husband." –Unknown

• "Marriage stands the test of times when both you and your spouse work towards making things better. And we are tested the most when we face adversities. If you can sail through the adversities as one, as a team, then you have won half the battle." –Unknown

• "A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other." –Unknown

• "Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends." –Harville Hendrix

• "The essence of marriage is companionship, and the woman you face across the coffee urn every morning for ninety-nine years must be both able to appreciate your jokes and to sympathize with your aspirations." –Elbert Hubbard

• "What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life–to strength each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?" –George Eliot

• "Your absence has not taught me to be alone, it merely has shown that when together we cast a single shadow on the wall." –Doug Fetherling

• "Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years." –Simone Signoret

• "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility." –Leo Tolstoy

• "A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love." –Pearl S. Buck

Happy Marriage Quotes

• "Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife." –Franz Schubert

• "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." –André Maurois

• "There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps." –Ronald Reagan

• "Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquility of a lovely sunset." –Ann Landers

• "The secret to a happy marriage is if you can be at peace with someone within four walls, if you are content because the one you love is near to you, either upstairs or downstairs, or in the same room, and you feel that warmth that you don’t find very often, then that is what love is all about." –Bruce Forsyth

• "Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry." –Tom Mullen



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