Getting Older
By far the most common type of funny birthday wish is the one that makes fun of the person's age. Here are some hilarious examples.
• You're still hot after all these years… just not as hot as your birthday cake will be once all those candles are lit!
• Another birthday? You're going to need a bigger cake… or smaller candles!
• Don't fret over another birthday. You were already old.
• Happy Birthday! How does it feel to be REDACTED years old?
• Your birthday is the perfect time to recognize all your wonderful qualities, including the fact that you're older than me.
• Don't worry about having another birthday. Your body may be piling up the years, but your mental age continues to stagger along in the single digits.
• Let me be the first to wish you a Happy Birthday… and point out that you are older than dirt.
• Did you know that birthdays are good for you? Studies have shown that the more of them you have, the longer you live!
• Happy Birthday! I'm not saying you're old, but your birth certificate is on papyrus.
• Happy Birthday! There may be a few more wrinkles in your birthday suit, but you're still looking good!
• You look great for your age. Happy [age + 10] Birthday!
• Happy Birthday! Don't hurt yourself blowing out all those candles!
• Don't worry about turning a year older. Pretty soon you won't be able to remember your age anyway.
• It's your birthday! This is a big one. Then again, at your age, every birthday is a big one!
• I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you before pouring you on my cereal.
• Happy Birthday! For everyone's safety, please skip the candles this year.
Overindulging
Here are some humorous birthday wishes that focus on drinking and other indulgences.
• May your birthday be filled with all the happiness and joy that an immoderate amount of alcohol can provide.
• May you have loads of fun on your birthday. Remember: Not only does wine getter better with age, but age gets better with wine!
• Hope you have a wild time tonight. Just keep in mind that “It was my birthday” is not an actual legal defense.
• I hope your birthday celebration is full of many memorable moments, and that you can actually remember some of them the next day.
• Follow These Steps: 1) Eat cake. 2) Get drunk. 3) Have hot sex. 4) Repeat until you've had a Happy Birthday.
• It's your birthday? As if you needed an excuse to act irresponsibly!
• Just because you're older doesn't mean you can't party all you want on your birthday. Of course, getting up the next morning may be a problem.
• It's your birthday! Time to drink beer and eat sheet cake until you barf.
• At last you've reached an age where it's time to eat healthy, exercise, and limit your consumption of alcohol. (Are you laughing yet? This is the funniest birthday wish I could think of.)
• Happy Birthday! If you wake up in a strange place tomorrow morning, you either 1) had too much to drink or 2) have gone senile. At your age, it could go either way.
• Hope you take plenty of pictures on your birthday. Just don't forget to delete the incriminating ones!
For Men
Here are some funny birthday messages specifically for a guy.
• Happy Birthday to a guy who still isn't showing his age… or acting it!
• Happy Birthday! Hope you consume plenty of cake, beer, and ED meds.
• Happy Birthday to a guy who's witty, manly, handsome… and reminds me a lot of myself!
• Happy Birthday! Don't worry – I would never make fun of your age. You might hit me with your walking cane!
• Sure, you've got more wrinkles, less hair, and your balls are sagging ever closer to your knees, but… eh, I got nothin'. Happy Birthday!
• Happy Birthday, man! I was going to arrange for a beautiful woman to jump out of a cake for you, but your age, it could trigger a heart attack.
For Women
Here are some funny birthday wishes for a lady.
• Happy Birthday to an old lady who still knows how to party!
• Happy Birthday to someone who's an even bigger diva than me!
• Remember: It's better to be a year older than a month late. Happy Birthday!
• It's your birthday! Turn up the sass, fill up your glass, and go kick some ass!
• Happy Birthday, lady! You keep looking young, and I'll keep refusing to tell people how old you really are. Deal?
More Funny Birthday Wishes
Finally, here are some miscellaneous birthday wishes to put a smile on someone's face.
• I didn't get you a gift or a card, but please accept this half-assed Happy Birthday wish sent via social media.
• Congrats on escaping the womb many years ago.
• Happy Birthday to someone who's not completely annoying most of the time.
• I was going to send you a big wad of cash for your birthday, but then I realized that just knowing me was enough of a gift.
• Congrats on avoiding death's clutches for another year.
• Your birthday is a good time to take stock of your life, remember all the good times, and marvel at the fact that you've managed to survive this long.
Sentimental Bridal Shower Wishes
Share your heartfelt sentiments with a message of love and congratulations. Use any combination of these for a bridal shower or bachelorette card message to let her know how happy and excited you are to celebrate with her.
• After the "Yes," before the "I do," happy shower to you!
• Congratulations on a wonderful partnership and the many happy years to come! I can’t wait to celebrate you on the big day!
• Happy shower. Happy couple. Happy wishes!
• Wishing you all the best on your wedding day and in the many blissful years to come.
• Just wanted to shower you with happy wishes!
• Love and blessings to you on this joyous day!
• May your marriage be filled with love, laughter and happiness!
• Cheers to many happy years!
• The best is yet to come! Cherish each moment along this journey.
• May your wedding day be as beautiful as you! Can’t wait to see you walk down the aisle.
Funny Bridal Shower Wishes
If you want to give the bride a laugh, share a funny moment or joke in your card. Just be sure the bride will appreciate the message and that it is appropriate for the setting. You don’t want to embarrass her in front of all her family and friends!
• Congratulations on finding the one person you want to annoy for the rest of your life!
• There has never been a happier occasion for me to buy a blender!
• You two are like Cholula and tacos; hot and perfect together!
• I can’t wait to watch you act surprised as you open the gifts from your pre-selected wedding registry.
• Not sure if I’m more jealous of the fact that you’re getting married, or of all the cool gifts you’re going to get. (Just kidding, it is definitely the gifts.)
Related Gift Guides & Inspiration
Advice for the Bride-to-Be
If you want to give the bride-to-be advice as she gets ready to start a new chapter of her life, use these ideas or offer wisdom from your own experiences!
• Success in marriage is the sum of small efforts focused on showing love and appreciation, repeated every day.
• Choose to love each other, even in the moments when you are struggling to like each other.
• In every disagreement in your marriage, remember that there is not a winner and a loser. You are partners in everything. It is you two working together to find the solution to a problem.
• The ingredients for a happy marriage are trust, patience and communication. Their combination creates a love that will last for years to come.
• It’s not about getting married, it’s about staying married. Take time to cultivate your love so it continues to blossom.
Bridal Shower Quotes
Sometimes the perfect words have already been said. These quotes are great for any bridal shower card message. Use them on their own, or combine them with another sentiment to wish the bride well.
• "The best thing in life to hold onto is each other." – Audrey Hepburn
• "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." – André Maurios
• "Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years." – Simone Signoret
• "We love because it is the only true adventure." – Nikki Giovanni
• "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." – Aristotle
• "Before you marry a person you should make them use a computer with really slow Internet to see who they really are!" – Will Ferrell
• "You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not." – Jodi Picoult
• "It’s amazing how one day someone walks into your life, and suddenly, you can’t remember how you lived without them." – Anurag Prakash Ray
• "A marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s the way you love your partner every day." – Barbara De Angelis
• "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." – The Beatles
Choosing a Gift for Your Bridal Shower Greeting Card
If you're still shopping for the perfect bridal shower gift to go with your card, we can help with that too.
While registries are great to help the bride stock up on home essentials, sometimes they lack a personal touch (because let’s face it, towels aren’t exactly inspiring). If you’re looking to go off-registry, check out these bridal shower gift ideas.
Buy a Happy Bride Gift CardNo matter which bridal shower card sayings you use, the best message is one that is heartfelt and sincere. Having friends and family around to celebrate her love is the best gift of all, but a meaningful gift and a handwritten message are great ways to remind the bride how much you care.
Free Printable Gift Card Holders!
Download free gift card holders to complete the perfect gift
The best part about is that they will be relatable to pretty much everybody including educators, teachers, specialists, engineers, IT folks, attendants, bookkeepers, business administrators or even the agreeable oldie working at the area grocery store. Read them below and consider how you can inject cleverness in your welcome.
Funny Retirement Wishes
The best funny retirement wishes for coworkers and colleagues include:
• The days of 9-5 are past! happy days are here at last!
• After retirement, a 30 minute walk is the best thing to do for your ailments!
• All those years of working and now you can get back to acting like a child again!
• The job you waited for for 50 years! Retirement!
• Retirement! it's like sleeping while you are awake. Well done!
• You can now not worry about doing anything wrong nor getting caught at it!
• What do you call a person who is always happy each and every Monday? Retired!
• Worked all me life, paid me due's, now I will do, whatever I choose!
• Time to stop working for that living and working at living!
• You have finally “Got a Life!”
• Retirement! Where every day is Saturday!
• I don't have to do it, I don't want to do it and you can't make me do it I'm retired!
• You're retired, not expired!
• Enjoy the challenge of spending time without spending money!
• Retired! Say Hi to your pension and goodbye to the tension!
• You're retied! We know your young at heart and slightly older in other places!
• Retired! No Alarm Clock! No problem!
• Are you going to be a secret agent? Licenced to chill?
• Now you're retired, you know everything and have plenty of time to tell everyone about it!
• The joy of retirement is having nothing to do all day!
• Remember, with retirement, you can wake up in the morning with zero to do and go to bed having done a mere half of it!
• Retirement: It takes all the meaning out of weekends!
• Now you are retired, you realize you will never have another day off, right?
• Now you are retired, you can get up at 6 am and drive around slowly delaying people everywhere!
• Time to maximize that senior discount!
• No better feeling than going to bed with no alarm set for tomorrow!
• Retirement! The money is not as good but the hours are!
• Behind every retired man is a wife just wishing he would go back to work!
• Retirement: Half the money but now you get twice the husband!
• I'm retired! You're not! Have fun at work tomorrow!
• You found your true calling, Retirement!
• On the retirement clock it's always five O'clock
• Keep calm and enjoy retirement!
• When people ask you what you are doing tomorrow, do you even care what day of the week it is? Happy Retirement!
• Retired! I now smile all the time because I can't hear a word you are saying!
• Now you are retired, how are the new bosses, your grand kids?
• Retirement! Time to start giving advice to others you never followed!
• Fragile bones and a weak bladder. You still looking forward to your retirement? Congratulations!
• I bet you never thought how important medical insurance was until you retired!
• You say retirement is an adventure? IS climbing out of bed, climbing atop couches and diving into take out food fun?
• After retirement the body grows older, the heart grows fonder and the mind becomes younger. All the best at trying to handle an old body with a young mind and fond heart!
• Hey, now you are retired you can't afford to do all the things you wanted too, anyway! Happy Retirement!
• I am thankful retirement is not optional otherwise I would be stuck working with you, forever! Happy Retirement!
• Off to retirement? Say Hi to your two new best friends, bed and couch!
• Retirement, it is like a party with no drinking, no hook-up's and you fall asleep. In other words, boring! Congratulations!
• Your retirement will be like a vacation, except you are now too old to do the fun stuff! Congrats!
• Most people spend their whole lives planning their retirement but when they actually retire, they don’t know what to do. Don’t let this happen to you.
• Remember to tire yourself out with gardening grand kids and chores!
• Hey with all your college degrees, you now get to be a Master of doing nothing! Well done!
• C'mon! We all know retirement is the companies way of saying you are getting too old to work!
• Doing the things you wanted to do is not what retirement is for. It is remembering what you had to do. Good luck, pensioner!
• Retirement is like being on the edge of a cliff. Just know your next step is a downward plunge! Good luck!
• The company retiring you says they have found more energetic, youthful and talented staff than you! Happy Retirement!
• For someone as idle as you, retirement will not matter. You will just be lazy on an official basis!
• Hey, now you are retired, enjoy the next project: Doing nothing all day!
• No more boss shouting at you, just your wife shouting at you! Enjoy retirement!
• It doesn't matter if you are grumpy when you retire, people just expect it anyway.
• The first day you do not change your underwear, consider yourself officially retired!
• Now you have reached retirement, enjoy this new turning point as you realize how messed up your priorities were!
• It's time to spend away your life savings! Enjoy retirement.
• Retirement is said to be the slow and painful lead up to the sunset years of your life. Have fun old timer.
• Retirement, the bubble that bursts when you thought you were at the zenith of your career. Good luck, buddy!
• Retirement is the company way of saying they have no more use for an old and lazy bum like you. Goodbye!
• Retirement is life's way of saying you are too weak and feeble to work any longer! Congratulations!
• You know, being retired is the only time in life you do not really mind not having a holiday!
• Every day of your retired life should be like a Friday. Shame you will feel like it is Monday, every day. Good luck!
• Congrats on retiring. Have fun watching your life's savings dwindle!
• Retirement is great if you have much to live for and much to live on.
• When your colleagues give you a watch you know time is no longer of importance. Happy retirement!
• When you retire, it's going to be tough to tell the difference!
• Is mandatory retirement the same as compulsive poverty?
• Retirement, when time is no longer money.
• The way some people work you wonder if they will achieve anything when they retire!
• Retirement, maybe time for your wife to get a stomach ulcer with you around all the time?
• Now you are retired, you can be tired, yesterday, today and tomorrow.
• Now you are retired you can burn all your boxes. Saves money and gets rid of your past, too!
• Having worked all of your life, retirement should be easy!
• You know before you retired, you should have taken a week off and watched daytime TV every day!
• Now you are retired you will actually have time to read about problems with retirement!
• We know you retired for health reasons. You were sick of them, they were sick of you!
• Now you are retired you have nothing to do and no way to tell if you have done it!
• Now you are retired, can you still remember the things you wanted to do?
• Now your wife realizes you never gave your secretary enough sympathy during the daytime either!
• Drinking coffee on your own time is the one downside of retirement! Enjoy!
• Enjoy every retirement day as if it was your last day; one day you will be right about it.
• Now your retired, will your bedtime be after you have fallen asleep on the couch for three hours? Enjoy!
• The older you get the less peer pressure you will have. Well Done!
• Enjoy retirement and knowing you are over the hill when your back goes out more frequently than you do!
• On the bright side of being retired, kidnappers are less interested in you. Enjoy retirement!
• Happy Retirement. Go play golf and make your wife think you are still having fun!
• Enjoy your retirement! Don't spend all your money just in case you don't die!
• Is your happy retirement now a full time job for your wife?
• Enjoy and be proud of being gainfully unemployed Happy Retirement!
• Hey now you are retired, you don't have to wear pants!
• Now I am retired I am not going to stop laughing because I am old, because you grow old when you do stop laughing!
• Working people have a lot of bad habits., but the worst of these is work. Congrats on your retirement!
• You are retiring from work ,not from life. Enjoy, my friend!
• Never act your age in retirement and have lots of fun!
• You don't have to remember what you got up for anymore! Have fun in retirement!
Independent Living Retirement Communities
If you or someone you know is looking for the best location to retire, SLS Communities can help! We proudly operate 4 retirement communities in the state of Arizona. With apartment style living our independent living residents love the freedom of living life to the fullest while our staff takes care of the chores and details. Live your life to the fullest by choosing to take a tour and see why so many seniors love living with SLS Communities in Mesa, Youngtown, Sedona, and Surprise, Arizona.
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