Average Length of U.S. Marriages Who's Getting Divorced in America?
Main Causes of Divorce in the U.S. Financial Planning Is Key
Getting married is an exciting event and it can bring some big life changes. You may be moving in together for the first time, buying your first home together, or starting to plan your family, all of which require a solid financial strategy.
Part of that strategy, however, may also need to include a contingency plan in case your wedded bliss doesn't last. In 2022, there were 6.9 marriages in the U.S. for every 1,000 people and 3.2 divorces per every 1,000 people. In other words, just under half of all marriages won't live up to the part of the wedding vows that say "til death do us part."
So what is the average length of marriage in the U.S.? The answer might surprise if you're soon to be married or a newlywed.
Average Length of Marriage In the U.S.
On average, the typical U.S. marriage that ends in divorce lasts just eight years. Worldwide, the average length of marriage can vary widely by country. In Italy, for example, the typical couple stays married for 17 years and the divorce rate is around 42%. In Qatar, on the other hand, the divorce rate is 69.5%, with marriages lasting less than 5 years on average.
There's just as much variation when you consider divorce rates by U.S. state. Fourteen states have a divorce rate of 50-65%. Oklahoma, for example, has the highest divorce rate of any state, with 65.7% of marriages ending in divorce court. Twelve states have a divorce rate ranging from 15% to 39%, with the remaining states falling in between. Hawaii boasts the lowest divorce rate of any state, at around 20%.
So why is there such a difference? One explanation for higher divorce rates in certain states than others is that those states also have higher marriage rates. It's purely a numbers game; more couples getting married means a higher probability for divorce. Divorce rates can also be higher when at least one spouse is getting remarried. Sixty percent of second marriages and 73% of third marriages are likely to end in divorce.
Who's Getting Divorced in America?
From a demographic perspective, there are some noticeable patterns in divorce trends. The average age for a couple going through a first divorce is 30 years old and 60% of divorces involve spouses who are between the ages of 25 and 39. Women are more likely to file for divorce than men and the divorce rate is highest for African-American women aged 50 to 59. Asian women between 25 and 29 years old are least likely to get divorced. The divorce rate for heterosexual couples is double that of same-sex couples. Among all couples 50 and older, the divorce rate has doubled over the last two decades. Having a spouse who's incarcerated is also a strong indicator of divorce; 80% of men and nearly 100% of women in this type of scenario end up divorcing their spouse.
As the data suggests, divorce can affect virtually any type of couple. The next question is, what's leading those couples to call it quits?
Main Causes of Divorce in the U.S.
• Basic incompatibility
• Infidelity
Surprisingly, money ranked third on the list, not first. In terms of the kinds of money issues that can contribute to divorce, they include a general disagreement on financial goals and how to manage money; financial infidelity; and having too much debt. Among dating couples who have yet to get hitched, 33.78% said excessive debt was a dealbreaker in pursuing a more serious long-term commitment.
With regard to incompatibility, that's a broad category that can cover any number of things. For instance, a couple may have different political or religious views that could contribute to the breakup of their marriage. On a more superficial level, one spouse may have an annoying hobby or habit that the other spouse just can't look past. And while some couples may be able to move on and rebuild their marriage after infidelity, not all of them can.
Financial Planning Can Be Key to a Successful Marriage
While money isn't the only cause of divorce and disagreements in a marriage, it can be a big one. Developing a financial plan, ideally before you actually get married, can help you build a solid money foundation. That includes:
• Discussing and planning a household budget
• Developing a plan for repaying debt, if either spouse is bringing debt into the marriage
• Setting joint and individual financial goals
• Talking over plans for the long-term, such as saving for retirement or buying a home
• Getting the right financial protection in place
That last one could mean anything from a prenuptial agreement if one or both spouses is bringing wealth to the marriage, or life insurance and an estate plan to preserve any wealth you might accumulate together. Talking with a certified financial planner or another financial professional can help you and your spouse create a roadmap for money management that you can both agree on.
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All the Queen's Gold – See the Crown Jewels at the Tower of London
You may think that nothing can top that diamond on your finger you've been wearing for half a century, but the Queen's collection of jaw-dropping gems will probably put it to shame. The Crown Jewels are possibly the grandest pieces of jewellery you'll ever set eyes on. These golden ceremonial treasures acquired by English kings and queens are covered in precious jewels such as diamonds, rubies and sapphires.
Under some serious lock and key, they're stored at the Tower of London, a place which will make you feel young considering the history dates back to nearly 1,000 years ago.
Spend your anniversary visiting the Tower of London and eating out at Le Pout de la Tour. Or for a majestic date night fit for a queen, splurge on a private dinner in Martin Tower with you, your royal partner and ten other friends, surrounded by over 12,000 jewels. A lovely way to explore history while also seeing the most precious jewels in England.
Liquid Gold – Whisky Tasting
Also known as “liquid gold” why not spend your anniversary making your way through a selection of premium whiskies, deciding which type of tipple is your favourite.
Our Premium Whisky Tasting at Black Rock gives you a flight of whisky to taste along with a free tasting of “table whisky”: whisky that has been aged inside Black Rock’s 18 foot and 185-year-old tree trunk table.
This is one of those gifts for couples who appreciate the finer things in life. You'll spend the night surrounded by golden liquid that has aged well, just like your relationship.
Gold on the Ceiling – Visit the Vatican
Vatican City is the world’s smallest country but is home to a vast amount of artwork, a lot of which is made of yup, you guess it; gold.
In fact, St. Peter’s Basilica is practically made of the stuff. To visit the priceless country you must go to Rome, giving you the chance to see all the history from the Golden Age of the Roman Empire. It’s almost as if this vacation was set up to be the perfect 50th-anniversary trip.
Spend a few days exploring Rome and the Vatican. See the Coliseum, Spanish steps, Pantheon, Sistine Chapel and some of the greatest artwork known to man.
If you're looking for gold, this is the place to go. While you're there why not through a gold coin into the Trevi Fountain and wish for another 50 years of blissful marriage; you never know what kind of magic that fountain can hold.
Golden Memories – Make a Memory Book
After fifty years of making memories together, you and your partner probably disagree on what really happened in your shared stories. Settle it once and for all by putting your stories down in a professionally written book.
Though your love story is certainly not over, I'm sure there's more than enough material to get something written down. This would give you and your partner the chance to reminisce about all the best moments of your lives together.
It would also not only be a gift to each other but to your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and so on. They would all be able to look back at this book long after you're gone and know who you both were.
Now you may be asking how this is golden themed. To give it some personal pizaz, have the cover of your book of memories customised with a range of rich golden colours, textures and finishes. After all, gold is the symbol for first place and this book will show your partner that they've been first place in your heart for the last 50 years.
Riches of the East – Experience Anantara Golden Triangle Resort
This luxury anniversary gift gives you the excuse to explore the Golden Triangle and see three different countries at the same time: Laos, Myanmar and Thailand.
This gem of a resort in Thailand is right by where these three countries meet. It boasts an indulgent spa and gives you the opportunity to help protect and appreciate elephants in the most luxurious way possible. It goes without saying that this very elegant resort is sure to be romantic.
If you want to stay true to the golden theme of your anniversary, there's really no better place than the Golden Triangle. It has an impressive and fascinating opium museum and some of the world’s most amazing views.
This is a peaceful trip and once in a lifetime opportunity.
Gunning for Gold – Clay Pigeon Shooting
I know what you're thinking – what does this have to do with golden anniversaries? Well as the only gunmaker to hold a British Royal Warrant, Holland and Holland have gained a reputation for mechanical perfection and elegance. They've combined all the best features of guns that had been developed by English gunmakers of the Golden Age, as far back as 1892.
If that hasn't convinced you, how about this – some of their guns feature elegant golden finishes. Guns like the ‘Royal Deluxe' Double Barrel Rifle has the Holland & Holland name inlaid in gold on bolsters and carved ball fences. Clay pigeon shooting with golden guns? How posh!
Spend an afternoon at the shooting grounds of Holland and Holland, taking a romantic stroll through the nature reserve before your private session with an expert shooting instructor. It's bound to be a whole lot of fun and a whole lot of healthy competition. Who can shoot the most clay pigeons? Who's got the better aim? It might be time to settle this once and after 50 years of marriage. After all, who doesn't love a bit of friendly competition?
Hidden Treasures – Private Tour of the Anglo-Saxon Gold
The Birmingham Museum houses the largest collection of Anglo-Saxon gold ever found. 5.1kg of gold to be exact.
Dubbed Britain's answer to Tutankhamun, the Staffordshire Hoard is one of England's finest treasures, but it was only found about a decade ago. That means for the first forty years of your marriage, no-one even knew this hidden treasure existed. It seems as if it was meant to be your 50th-anniversary date.
If you're on the hunt for unique things to do in London for your anniversary, you and your partner can experience the history of over 3,500 pieces of extraordinary metalwork. The collection includes beautiful gold sword handles, jewels from Sri Lanka, carved helmets and beautiful animals in elaborate filigree. Even if you're a huge history buff, you mostly like have not gotten a private tour of the Staffordshire Hoard, as it's only recently been discovered.
The most in-theme suggestion yet: go see gold pieces.
Whatever gift you chose to give to your partner for your anniversary is sure to be golden just by nature of the anniversary. But why not take tradition to the next level with a truly unforgettable golden experience?
We met by chance at the Hie Shinto Shrine in Tokyo in 1967. If either of us had been on the grounds a couple of minutes earlier or later, we never would have connected.
When we married, we sort of joked that “This might only last a year,” rolling our eyes and laughing.
Everything seemed so temporary — the basement apartment, rented furniture, and temporary jobs. These would all disappear by next year and so might we.
A small wedding for 12 attendees was organized. No invitations, no photographer, unless you counted my sister-in-law. I bought a wedding dress for $39, two days before the wedding. This was not a keepsake that would be photographed from various angles. The only criteria: It had to fit.
By Monday, we were back at our temporary jobs. Someone asked my husband what he did over the weekend. “Oh, I got married," he said.
What was the game plan? We were going to support ourselves, get advanced degrees, travel, and yes, Tom had a vague idea about running for political office at some point. What office and from where was not articulated. Children? So far out there, not even worth discussing. Sounds a bit fragile, now that I think of it.
Over the years, we have gone from temporary to permanent. The celebration of our wedding anniversaries tell the evolving story of our education, elected office, children, and foreign travel.
There were early anniversaries on the East Coast when we were in law school. Anniversaries in Iowa when I was elected to local public office and he ran for Congress. We and our daughters spent a decade of anniversaries with my parents and at their lake cottage in Minnesota right after the 4th of July parades in Iowa.
On our 25th anniversary, we returned to Japan and climbed Mt Fuji with our school-age daughters. Although we all made it to the summit by sunrise, they were not impressed that we had climbed the mountain on our 2nd date and threatened to put themselves up for adoption. This attitude changed considerably over the years, and when we told them we were celebrating our 30th in Iceland by ourselves, they said, “oh no”! They were definitely coming along with Amy’s boyfriend in tow.
It seemed just right to be celebrating our 50th at the Hie Shinto Shrine where we met. Our plan was to gather our daughters, sons-in-law and three grandchildren on site and enjoy a champagne toast.
The two priests at the Hie Shrine said this would never do. “This is the shrine symbolizing and celebrating long marriages — 50, 60, and even 70 years. Since this is your golden anniversary and you met here, we will perform a full Shinto ceremony complete with a formal dance performed by two shrine maidens in official attire. The ceremony will be followed by a Japanese luncheon with sake. Then you can have the champagne.”
We met at a shrine symbolizing long marriages? Who knew?
Maybe the beginning never was as fragile as it seemed.
Ruth Harkin of Cumming has been a county attorney, government official, corporate executive and member of the Iowa Board of Regents. Her husband, Tom, served Iowa in the U.S. Senate from 1985 to 2022.
Marriage has become a lost beauty – a lost journey of grace. It isn't often we are blessed to glean the wisdom from those who honor their covenant vows for many years. We pray that this Journey of Grace – this opportunity to read Lessons Learned over 50 Years of Marriage will encourage you in your walk…..
We celebrated our 50TH anniversary on February 2nd; it has been a wonderful journey. I come to humbly offer some advice that has kept our love alive and our hearts knit together through our “Journey of Grace.” I pray you will heed these Scriptural principles so your love and your marriage will be an example to your children and to those lives you touch through the years.
• A successful marriage requires commitment for a lifetime. Remember you made a vow to God and to your mate.
• Love is a choice.
• Walk in love, walk as children of light, be filled with the Spirit, and submit yourself to him as unto the Lord. Ephesians 6
• Don’t forget your first love. Pursue him like you did before he proposed.
• Memorize and heed 1 Corinthians 13
• Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath (anger). Ephesians 4:26-32, Proverbs 15:1
• Always forgive…it’s always your turn!
• Till the weeds in your garden of love. A marriage is give and take but mostly give.
• Always be best friends.
• Life isn’t always sunshine; learn to survive the storms with the Lord’s help.
• Don’t try to change him. You loved him like he was when you married him.
• Glorify God together. Romans 15:7 “Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God.”
• Agree to wait when you disagree. Don’t insist on always having your way. You aren’t always right! (You are commanded to submit.)
• Don’t share the most intimate or the most controversial issues with your mom or your friends.
• Never override his decisions with your children. Always have a united front!!
• Study the Word like you did for your hardest exam. You need more than a light devotional.
• Memorize the Word. Psalm 119: 11
• Meditate on the Word. Joshua 1:8
• Learn to pray together every day. If you stay in the Word and on your knees, the problems become nonissues.
• Use the Bible as your guide. Psalm 119: 105
• Share your faith. When you tell others about Christ, it is one of the most intimate forms of worship.
REMEMBER: We are engaged in Spiritual Warfare! Satan wants your marriage, your testimony, and your family, but “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.” 1 John 4:4
Fruitful Growth in the Faith
5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. 10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; 11 for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The Lord has equipped you to live godly and will empower you to be an example to others. Be sure that you know Christ in a personal way. May the Lord bless you as your continue your journey together. We give the Lord the praise and glory for His goodness to us. We are where we are today because of Christ alone.
Lovingly, Sherry Sturm
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