Turning a year older can be tough. Fortunately, we can lean on friends to offer moral support as we navigate difficult milestones such as birthdays.
Just kidding, of course. Most friends prefer to rub it in, especially if the one turning a year older is a guy. Birthday wishes for an older man – however you want to define “older” – can be downright brutal. In fact, phrases like “old fart” and “old bastard” are par for the course with this sort of birthday message.
If you're looking to give a male friend a good ribbing on his birthday, we have just the list for you. In fact, we have more funny wording ideas than he can shake his elderly fist at. So, without further ado, here are 21 uniquely humorous ways to say “Happy Birthday, old man!”
• Happy Birthday to someone who deserves to be treasured. After all, fossils of your era are hard to find.
• Happy Birthday, old fart. There's just one thing I want to know. What did they put on top of your birthday cake before the invention of fire?
• I heard you were middle-aged… as in, born in the Middle Ages. Happy Birthday, ye olde farte.
• Everything gets harder when you get older… except for your penis, of course. Happy Birthday, you old softy.
• Welcome to the curmudgeonly years, you crusty old bastard you.
• Happy Birthday to a relic from a bygone era.
• I was going to make fun of you on your birthday. Fortunately for you, I was taught to respect my elders.
• Better to be an old fart than a dumb ass. Happy Birthday!
• Birthdays suck when you're old, but at least you don't have too many more to go.
• Happy Birthday, old man. Hope you have an exciting birthday celebration… followed by a nice, long nap.
• Happy Birthday, old fart. Hope your birthday doesn't stink.
• Relax, old man. You survived disco. You can survive another birthday.
• Happy Birthday, old fart. What's that, you couldn't hear me? HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OLD FART!
• You know how guys get better looking with age? Yeah, that doesn't last forever. Happy Birthday, you sexy old bastard.
• Happy Birthday, old man. Now might be a good time to stop acting your age.
• They say that with age comes wisdom. You must be the exception that proves the rule. Happy Birthday to an exceptional old guy.
• Congratulations! After years of seasoning, you're officially a salty old bastard.
• Your birthday is one of my favorite days of the year. It reminds me that you will always be older than me.
• They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. That's because old dogs already know all the tricks. Happy Birthday, dawg.
• You're at an age where you no longer give a shit. Heck, at your age, you're happy when you can take a shit.
• You know what an old fart is? It's when you say you're 35 and it doesn't pass the smell test.
Hope you enjoyed these birthday wishes for old farts. Just remember that what comes around, goes around. You can expect similarly harsh (and hilarious) treatment when your own birthday arrives.
Those people who are considered elderly, your grandfather, grandmother, grand auntie or grand uncle are meant to be respected and cared for.
They need someone to remind them how special they are and how awesome they are.
Show them that you are that person and that you have a big heart and a sharp mind to remember when their birthday is.
Should you ever run out of words to say to them, here are some happy birthday wishes for elderly people that you can use to greet them with, try them out and see how they work for you.
Happy birthday, grandmother, today you get another year closer to being retired, congrats!
Today might just be your lucky day, grandpa, so just enjoy it as much as you can, have fun.
I think that your birthday is a good day to reflect on all that you have done in this life of yours.
You can still continue doing the things that you want to do, do not let your age define you!
All that is within your reach can be used to achieve what you want in this life, go for it.
Happy birthday, I know that today is the perfect day to tell you just how special you truly are.
Stop living in a life full of regret and start hoping for a bigger and brighter tomorrow!
What I wish for you today is that you may keep having good health, happy birthday to you!
Wisdom almost always come along with aging, and I can see that is true for you, enjoy today.
You have such a clear skin and young face that I doubted that you are now too old for things.
Mr.Bean Birthday Video
Keep in mind that the things that you do today would matter as much as an ordinary day.
Have fun and keep on doing the things that makes you feel a little bit more alive than usual.
I hope that you have figured out by now just how awesome you truly are, happy birthday.
A lot of things have changed over time but your beauty and kindness seems to be long lasting.
May the heavens above bless you enough especially on this birthday of yours, enjoy this day.
No matter how many years passed you by, it seems you have remained to be the same person.
Happy birthday, I wish that after a long time, you can finally keep on doing what you love.
Make it easy for yourself and just reward yourself by doing something that you really love.
I will cross the ocean to see you, believe me that I would, grandma, I love you that much.
I wish that by the time I reach your age, I can be as lovely and alive as you, happy birthday.
Age is but a number, those who are young at their heart are but forever young, enjoy this day!
I wish you all the best in your life, I think you deserve all that you have in this very moment.
Start seizing your day by starting it off with a smile, this one is completely yours, love it!
You are never too old to have a great party and celebrate the joy of living the life you have.
Happy birthday to the person who deserves honor because of everything he has done in life.
You have gained the respect of so many people that I absolutely think you deserve this big day.
Today is your lucky day, your special one, the one that marks something in your great life.
Happy birthday to you, another year of your life has passed but make sure never to forget it.
Today is a good day to reflect on the things that have come your way and to just have fun.
Stop being full of regrets, it is never too late to try and change something from this birthday.
Your birthday is just a milestone of how far you have come, so just keep on loving your life.
Most birthdays are extremely lucky for you so go find out how far your luck will take you.
Just remember that this age you are in right now will only last for a year, enjoy your birthday.
Have an awesome birthday celebration that I am sure you deserved because you are you.
I hope that this day will bring you a lot of exciting possibilities that would benefit you at least.
Aging is but a true work of art considering everything that it has given you and everyone else.
You are special and I hope you will never forget that or consider otherwise, happy birthday!
If the time comes that you forget who you are, I will be here to make you remember this day.
I will make sure that your birthday will have something extraordinary for you to remember it.
Let me give you a grand celebration for your well-deserved birthday today, cheers to that.
I just wish you would keep on having more special days like this throughout your whole life.
You have achieved so much that I want you to just relive your glory on your birthday today.
You are one of the greatest gifts the heavens have given the world, happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday, you may not know it yet but you are still as amazing as you once were.
You may think that you are still lacking but the truth is you are overflowing with kindness.
You can never be too old to dream of things that will make you happy, I am telling you that.
Keep in your mind that whatever the struggle may be, you will get through it, I am sure.
Life is about loving yourself and loving every part of it and that is exactly what you should do.
Happy birthday to you, keep on having a great day and just keep on celebrating your life.
The best thing to do today is to celebrate the fact that you are still alive and breathing.
Not everyone can proudly say that they have survived to another birthday but you can!
Be happy that you are alive and healthy, that is all that matters to me, happy birthday to you.
I just wish that you would be able to find it within you to celebrate your life and enjoy it.
Happy birthday, keep on doing what you do best and let nature do the rest of the work.
Sometimes, you need to learn to let go and just keep on having a happy life, that is the key.
To enjoy a life full of happiness, sacrifices will always be present, trust the Lord and smile.
If the worst things are happening, just remember that there is a God that you can lean upon.
Stop trying to tell yourself that the past is gone because that is what has made you yourself.
Happy birthday to you, I just hope that you would be able to live a long and happy life.
I wish we can live on an island somewhere far and just enjoy life, happy birthday to you!
May your heart feel warmth on this birthday and just have the best time of your life, dear.
Never think that you are old for you are the joy and hope of others, happy birthday to you!
By this time, you think you have tried everything but there is so much more left to explore.
Keep on finding new things to focus on and enjoy your life, that is the key to being happy.
I wish that this birthday will mark the start of one of the phases of life that you will surely love.
As you get older, your life will just be more pleasing to you, so just keep on living a happy life.
You get more wisdom as you grow older with age but your beauty will remain the same.
Charm is something that stays with you as you grow old, the other attributes disappear.
You are far more than what you think of yourself, better than how you perceive who you are.
Let love pass through your body as you try and make the best things happen on your birthday.
A lot of things might have changed throughout the years but you remain the same, enjoy today.
Some things are bound to remain constant in life, I will be that for you, happy birthday to you!
The bond that we have between the two of us is something that will never break, happy birthday!
No matter where you may be today, I hope you know that I am wishing you a happy birthday!
Happy birthday to the person who does not seem to age at all, your face is still so youthful.
May this birthday of yours be the one where you can finally rest from all your hard work.
I know how diligent you are, but I hope you get a break especially on your birthday, enjoy it.
You get the chance to start a new phase of your life today, I hope you have a happy birthday.
I hope that you will do your best to make every year of your life count, especially this day.
Do not let your age ever define you, do things that are impossible, you can still finish them.
Today, on your birthday is a day to try something new and try out things that are worth it.
Forget about the wrinkles, those come with age, for now just focus on being happy.
You should definitely party on your birthday and meet your friends just like you did before.
Birthdays should never be celebrated without cake, though getting those candles are trouble.
Just keep on being young at heart because it is optional to grow up though growing old is not.
There comes a point in your life where you stop counting how old you are and just celebrate.
Sometimes there is no need for a reason to be happy, being able to live long is enough as it is.
Live every day of your life like it is your birthday and you will live a happy life, indeed.
Those who enjoy their lives do not mind growing old and practically enjoys it even more.
• BIRTHDAY WISHES & QUOTES
• BIRTHDAY POEMS
• BIRTHDAY TOASTS
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70th Birthday Wishes
• 70 Years Old
Choosing 70th birthday wishes is not as easy as it may look. Turning 70 is a major and, for some people, an emotionally tricky milestone to reach.
Some soon-to-be 70 year olds dread everything about turning 70, from the likelihood of more wrinkles on their face to the onslaught of new aches and pains that never seem to go away.
Then, you have the type of seventysomethings who have chosen to grow older gracefully, treasuring the trail of memories (and wrinkles) they've forged and enjoyed over seven decades.
Whether your 70-year-old birthday girl or boy sees the glass half empty or half full, you need to give him or her something to feel good about — he or she has certainly earned it. That's why great 70th birthday messages on this page celebrate this occasion with tender, loving care.
Message Guy Tip #70:
How to select 70th birthday wishes...
Turning 70 is a major milestone — joyous for some and emotionally challenging for others.
Keep in mind that different types of 70 year olds require different kinds of birthday greetings.
First, there are the "joyous" 70 year olds. These are individuals who are young at heart and, if they've won the gene pool lottery and are relatively healthy, consider the 70s the beginning of the best period in their lives (the so-called "first day for the rest of my life" crowd).
Accordingly, the "joyous" 70 year old would probably love to receive an inspirational birthday message (confirming their optimism about life), a funny birthday greeting (making fun of getting older), happy birthday wishes (generically pleasing for some), even a clever birthday message that exercise their mind — basically, any type of 70th birthday wishes, except the depressing kind.
Because the other group (the "this is my final act" crowd) may suddenly realize (or stop denying) — sometime on, before or after their actual birthday — that they have reached the last quarter of their life, figuring out what message to pick for them can be difficult. Should it be philosophical? Inspirational? Funny? It depends on how "old" these 70 year olds feel.
For the overly pessimistic faction of this group (the ones who feel very old all of a sudden), probably no message will be taken in the spirit it has been given, so just go the safe route and opt for a generic (plain "Happy Birthday") message or a sentimental (remember the good ole days) birthday greeting.
For the most optimistic of this crowd (in other words, the least pessimistic), an inspirational, clever or sentimental message can snap them out of their funk. It can't hurt to try (the birthday boy or girl will at least appreciate the effort).
Whatever you decide to do, make sure to browse through this section and, even if you find a message you remotely like, tailor it to your liking and the birthday boy or girl. Good luck!
Happy 70th birthday! You deserve all the accolades you're getting and more. You've worn so many hats for so many people, for so long — without expecting anything in return. It's time you did!
At 70, there are two rules for making your birthday unforgettable:
Rule 1:
Have the time of your life.
Rule 2:
Don't forget Rule 1.
Happy 70th birthday! Think of this birthday message as a friendly welcome mat to your 70s — and the start of a new adventure in a new land with new promise.
Happy 70th birthday! Now you're closer than ever to learning the meaning of life: you have to keep moving to keep moving!
Hope all 24 hours of your 70th birthday are as memorable as the last 70 years have been for you.
Happy 70th birthday! Don't be sad about your age. In dog years, you'd just be 10 years old.
Truly beautiful 70 year olds are the picture of health, happiness and virtue. When we look at you, we are awed and comforted by your beauty. Happy 70th birthday!
Celebrate your birthday exactly like you've lived the last 70 years — with joy, wonder and contentment. Happy 70th birthday.
At 70, you deserve to look back to days of old and look forward to many New Years ahead! Happy 70th birthday!
Your average 70 year old thinks about...
Happy 70th birthday! With 70 candles on your birthday cake to blow out, you won't have to exercise your lungs for a month.
Happy birthday! For 70 years, your dreams have fulfilled you. Now it's time to fulfill your dreams.
Happy birthday to a 70 year old who could teach any 20, 30, 40, 50 or 60 year old what it means to be young at heart.
Don't give up yet!
You'll find more 70th birthday wishes here...Happy birthday! 70 really suits you! Can I wear your 70 year old suit?
Happy birthday! At 70, you're still a regular fountain of youth. May your cup always runneth over!
On your 70th special day, you deserve to savor every special second of it. Let's make it special together!
Happy birthday! It's far, far better to be young at heart at 70 than
heavy-hearted at 20.
Happy birthday! At 70, blowing out every candle on your birthday cake is not the problem — it's if you blow out all your dental work at the same time.
You're not only the youngest 70 year old I know — you're the only 70 year old I know. Happy 70th birthday!
Top of 70th Birthday WishesMessage Guy Pick
"Keep it real" is the best advice any seasoned writer can give a beginner at writer. That's good advice because it takes into consideration one of the major motivators for writing: the reader. That's why I picked the birthday message below as my favorite on this page. What makes it real?
This message shows the true depth of the sender's feelings for the 70-year-old recipient, without sounding phony about it. If I was 70, I would love to receive this birthday wish. It's so genuine.
Happy birthday! It's a shame that everyone and everything that's 70 years old is nowhere near as loving, kind, wise, gentle and inspirational as you. But at least we have you.