Truth #1
You may be happy to not have to deal with your former spouse every day, but your kids may still have regular interactions that will affect them.
As long as you were still married and still living in the same house, you were still keeping an eye on each other. If your wife did something to get the kids upset, you were there to step in and mitigate the situation. If she was letting them watch inappropriate movies or keeping them up too late or letting them go to school inappropriately dressed, you still had an influence.
Once you are divorced, your kids are on their own when they spend time with her. You have no control over whom she introduces them to–or even leaves them with. She has the right to ask her alcoholic mother or her creep of a neighbor whom she scarcely knows to baby-sit.
Truth #2
You have to be much more careful with your relationship with a former spouse than with a spouse.
Let's say that you and your former spouse split time with the kids 50-50. With the approval of a judge, a custody schedule gets put in place. Now let's say your parents are coming to town and the only time they can come is your husband's weekend. If you haven't established a good relationship with him, why should he be flexible and switch weekends so the kids can see their grandparents?
Truth #3
Your life will go better when your former spouse's life goes better.
As much as you may have fantasies about your ex-wife's life going to pieces (I used to dream about pouring sugar down my ex's gas tank), remember, that is like wishing your kids' lives will also go to pieces 50% of the time. You want your kids to be happy. You want their life to be stable.
Your former spouse having a job that fulfills her, that pays well, that has benefits–all that will make your life easier. As much as you might get some secret satisfaction seeing her inconvenienced by, say, her car breaking down, it will be your kids standing in front of the school waiting to be picked up.
And even if that is not the case, you want your kids' parent to be as relaxed and happy as possible so she will have the resources of calm and patience needed for good parenting.
Truth #4
Nothing in your relationship anymore is about you being right or wrong, about things being fair or unfair: The only metric you'll care about is whether it is good for the kids or not.
When you are still in the marriage, it is important to do whatever you can to bolster the relationship because a strong marriage supports children's development. Once you are divorced, however, the first filter through which you evaluate any decision will be the effect on the kids.
That is not easy! It can be hard to see what will be best for your kids down the road.
When my ex-husband remarried, I was torn apart that another woman would be combing out my daughter's hair, reading her a bedtime story and tucking her into bed. That was my job! How could it be good for my girl that I wasn't doing that for her?
But my daughter's stepmother has given her so much–love, advice, structure, support, a different perspective. My ex-husband has been a great father but without the back-up of his new wife, I think there would have been a lot of bumps along the way.
Truth #5
Kids are able to accept a lot of changes as long as they believe that both their parents believe the change is for the best. Your job is to make your kids believe that you support your former spouse.
As broken up as I was about my ex getting remarried, I made it my job to speak well of my daughter's stepmother and to be excited for my daughter about her part in their wedding. I did my best to never burden my daughter with my doubts and fears for her.
Instead I reassured her that her stepmom would love her and do what was best for her. From time to time things happened that were pretty different from the way I would have handled them, but I would tell my daughter, your stepmom is smart and has a lot of good ideas.
Let's give this one a chance. (I am happy to say in the greater scheme of things, everything did work out).
Truth #6
Even when the kids turn 18 and the legal custody schedule expires, you will still have to deal with your children's other parent.
My second husband used to like to say, "Just wait until high school graduation. Then we won't have to play this game anymore." Wrong. So wrong.
Once the child is free from a custody schedule, he has to decide for himself how much time to spend at mom's house and how much at dad's. What was a legal ruling becomes a question of convenience or a popularity contest. Young adults are still essentially self-centered creatures. They will gravitate to whichever house is easier.
In my daughter's case, her dad's house is easier in that it is in the town where most of her friends are. In my stepsons’ case, their mom's house is easier in that they can retreat to the basement and large screen t.v. and basically be left alone in their own man cave.
Additionally, the lack of a clear custody schedule makes it much easier for one parent to manipulate the children either with guilt or outright bribes of cars or iPhones or whatever the current hot thing to have is.
Truth #7
Even when the kids become adults and move away, you will still have to deal with your children's other parent.
• Don't you want to be at hand for your child's wedding?
• Don't you want to walk your daughter down the aisle?
• Give a toast to the happy couple?
• Be at the birth of your first grandchild?
• Attend the grandchild's first birthday?
You can see the list goes on.
The irony of your post-divorce life is that you want to have the best relationship possible with your child's other parent. You might like to wish her to Hades, but if your ex-spouse is not in the picture, there will be a gaping hole in your child's heart that you cannot fill.
In day-to-day life, your child might not miss her other parent, but when she gets that award or big promotion, a part of her will be thinking, “Look, Dad, what I did! Wouldn't you be proud of me?”
Your former spouse never has to become a good friend, but you should aim for someone you feel benign towards. You should work towards being generally interested in how he is doing and what is going on in his life. You should at least be warmly cordial.
Think how you might like your child's in-laws to treat you. You don't have to go out for drinks together, but you do have to make pleasant conversation at the 4th of July barbecue.
The bottom line here is that like diplomacy among nations, the more you are in natural opposition, the more important it is to work towards détente. Not only is it the surest way to protect your children, it will add to your own sense of security and well-being.
Elisabeth StittJoyful Parenting Coaching
248-8916
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Thank You Message For Husband : A husband does so much for his lady, but he is seldom rewarded for his contributions. For a wife, his man is a great treasure and pride. She must therefore, sometimes think of surprising him with lovely, romantic and sweet thanksgiving messages on his birthday, or anniversary, or on the gift tag on any occasion or even on a normal day. We have brought you those caring loving, full of romance thank you messages for the husband. Pick your best one among them to ping your beloved husband, and make him realize what a great value he holds in every sphere of your life.
• Thank You Messages For Husband
• Appreciation Messages For Husband
• Thank You Husband For Gift
• Thank You Messages For Husband On Anniversary
• Thank You Messages For Husband On Birthday
• Thank You Husband for Everything
Thank You Messages For Husband
I am the luckiest wife to have such a wonderful, appreciating, and understanding husband. Thanks for all those little things you do to make me happy!
I simply thank God that He made you be my life partner. Life with you is really amazing. Thank you for being so kind and loving! I love you so much!
Thanks for blessing my life with the priceless gift of your love.
There are so many things my heart wants to say to you, all of which can be summed up in just three words – thanks for everything. I love you.
You are my life, my love, my happiness, my soulmate, my world. Thank you a hundred times for being the best husband in the world.
Thank you for being my life partner, you are one in a million!
My precious, thank you for always making me smile no matter what. I feel truly safe around you. You are the best I could ask for!
My love, I did not only find the most caring husband in you but also a best friend for a lifetime. Thank you for being in my life!
Thank you for making my day special with this beautiful gift. It really is awesome!
I would never become who I am today, if you weren't there motivating me with your kindness and inspiring me with your strengths. Thank You.
Thank you, these two little words carry all my respect, love and gratefulness to you for your significant additions in my life.
Whenever I needed somebody, you were always there by my side with all your kindness and generosity. Thank you for everything!
I am so proud to be the loving wife for the most caring husband.
You are the man I want. Your love is the only thing I cherish for. Thank you for being a pure blessing to my life.
No matter what the circumstances are, I will be there with you as you were there in all the ups and downs of my life. Thank you so much!
Thank you for shielding me from all the pains and all the sorrows in this world. You are my perfect lifeguard!
Thank you so much for being ever so generous and thoughtful to a "bubbly wife" like me who always irritates you!
Dear, thank you for being loving and kind to me throughout our married life.
You're the only one in this world that can understand me even when I don’t speak a word. Thank you for being such a special one!
Thank you for never failing to amaze me with your love and care!
Beloved husband, I want to take your little time and confess my gratitude to you for your kindheartedness and goodness.
Thank you for being an amazing father to our son and a loving husband to me!
My loving husband, you are unquestionably the best thing that has happened to my life. Thank you for always showering me with love, appreciation, and respect!
Dear, you are the source of my happiness and inspiration. Thank you for always being by my side, guiding me throughout tough situations and always helping me.
Baby, you make me feel positive about myself and my surroundings and help me find happiness in my daily life. Thank you for being my guardian angel!
Appreciation Messages For Husband
Dear Husband! I am luckiest women in the world. Because I got you. You are very special in my life. You full fill my all desire. Thank you for all that.
Dear husband, thank you for teaching me the meaning of love and loving me unconditionally every day. I love you with all my heart and soul.
From our first meeting till now, I have always been thankful to you for your love, support and trust. I love you a lot!
I see love every time I look into your eyes. I am thankful because you never let this love fade away!
Thank you to the most wonderful man in the world! The man who showed me the real happiness in life. The man who made me feel that I’m a true woman. I love you! Thank you to my dearest husband!
When I first saw you, I felt love; I am so blessed that our love grew stronger with the passage of time. Thank you for your love and trust.
Thank you dear husband for your kindness and generosity.
Baby, I long for your love every second of the day because you are always #1 in my heart! Thank you for being my whole world!
If I had to replace each thank you with a kiss, I would be kissing you non-stop all the time. Thanks for everything.
I am thankful to God and to my lucky star for having you as my husband. I love you to the end of the world. Thank you!
Just want to confess that all the trouble you took to impress me was really appreciating. Thank you!
Love, thank you for always being a gentleman and for showing me respect.
Thanks for letting me find my true love in you. I love you so much dear husband.
My hubby, whenever you give me a warm hug, I feel genuine happiness and immense joy! Thank you for bringing happiness to our little family!
Thank You Husband For Gift
You always blow me away with your great tastes for gifts. Thank you so much for this pretty one.
I always wonder how you know so much about my choices! Thanks a lot for your beautiful gift.
Your gifts are always something special and extraordinary. Thank you so much, Dear!
My love, this is the best gift I have ever received! You always remember all the little details about me. Thank you for being the best husband!
Sweetheart, you are so extraordinary! You made me so happy by getting what I have been wanting for so long. Thank you for the amazing gift!
I can never thank God enough for blessing me with your existence in my life. Thank you for always giving me the best and thoughtful gifts!
Your present is as loving as you are my Darling Husband. Thank you so much for this priceless one.
I am so impressed with your sense of choosing gifts. Each one of them is wonderful and precious.
Thank You Messages For Husband On Anniversary
You are the true grace from God for me. Thank you for being my lover, life-partner and friend. Happy anniversary.
Marrying you was the most wonderful event of my life that I will be cherishing for all of my life. Thank you for loving me.
You are an amazing husband and world’s best Dad to our kids. It is my good luck that I found you.Thank you for being there in all the good and bad times.
May our love-life continue in the same magical way forever as it is now! Thank you for being so kind and caring for me!
Darling, the fact that you remembered this special day of ours is more than enough for me! Thank you for the unchanging love you have always shown me.
It still feels like yesterday when we got married in our beautiful dresses and made vows to each other. Thank you for never breaking the promises, love!
Dearest hubby, thank you for taking care of me for all these years and inspiring me to be a better and kinder person. Happy anniversary to us!
We could have easily made just another love story, but your effort made it a unique one. Thank you for everything!
You have nurtured our love with so much care that it is now glowing like a full bloomed flower. Thanks for your trust Honey!
Thank You Messages For Husband On Birthday
Happy Birthday to my beloved husband. I am so lucky because I found a true friend, a great lover and a guide in you. Thanks for taking care of me.
Baby, I don’t need fancy gifts for my birthday because your presence is all I need. Thank you for arranging such a great party for me!
Darling, every day is special with you, and every day feels like a celebration because you bring so much joy to my life! Thank you for everything!
Dear hubby, thank you for making me feel so happy on this special day of my life. I want to celebrate with you all through my life!
You never miss even a little chance to amaze me. Thank you so much for your love and care for me.
It is the perfect day to say how precious you are in my life. You have bestowed me with the biggest source of happiness; your love! Happy birthday & Thank you, Dear!
Thank you for being a companion, a friend and a comforter to me. It is a pure blessing to have you as my life-partner forever, Happy Birthday!
On your special day, I want to thank you for all your love and contribution to our family. I am so lucky to have a great husband like you. Happy Birthday!
Life is beautiful because you are with me. Thank you for always being a good listener, a great companion and a friend for life. Happy Birthday.
Thank You Husband for Everything
Life was harder, but you were sweeter; it was so dark once, then you lightened it up. You filled my empty life with a lot of positivity and love. Thank you for everything!
Every relationship has its fair share of problems, and ours hasn’t been immune. But love has made ours, my life’s most melodious tune! Thanks for everything.
I was may not be perfect for anyone but for you I am and I’ll be this courage in me just due to your love. Thank you my husband for Everything!
To each other, we are… best life partners, better lovers. Best enemies, better friends. Best couple, better soulmates. Best husband and wife, better friends forever. Thanks for everything baby.
Life is really not worth living without you! You make me feel so special and complete! I can’t find words to utter but I just want to say "Thank you and I love you darling!
Expressing gratitude for all that you’ve done for me, is like kissing you – there can never be enough of it. Thanks honey for everything.
{Husband's Name}, you are the most lovable man! Thank you for everything especially for your endless love and support! I can face anything because you are by my side. I love you!
Most wives sigh, wishing that their husbands were perfect. I sigh, wishing I could be as perfect as you. Thanks for everything.
Husband Appreciation Day Messages
Words are never enough to appreciate all the things you do for me because you keep surprising every day! Thank you for being an amazing husband!
I am beyond lucky to have you in my life. You understand me better than anyone and make me feel special. Thank you for being my life partner!
Dearest hubby, I want to thank and appreciate you every day for every little thing you do for me. You are my true soulmate, I love you!
Thank you very much to my husband! Our children are also proud to have you as their father. You are simply amazing! We love you and thank you for everything!
The person who makes a married woman’s life easier every single day is none other than her husband, her loving life partner. A husband does not only shower his lady with never-ending love, but he also makes sure to take part in her battles like a true soulmate. It’s only fair for the women to express equal love to their loving husbands and show undying support and appreciation. These sweet messages above would be perfect for expressing just that!